To the ones we love

Hello everyone welcome if this is your first time here and welcome back if you are a returning reader thank you for keep coming back! Today I kind off want to continue on the mental health effects off things in a way but in a way of an apology/explanation I want to try to apologise and explain why we hit out at the ones closest to us! So where do I start? I would like to start with my apology to the people closest to me that I have shouted at or upset in any way I want you all to know that I never meant too upset you or shout at you! Deep down you have all been an absolute rock to me and truly helped me keep going and keep fighting. Truth is if it hadn’t have been for you especially my fiancée and my mother I probably wouldn’t still be here now so too you two a very special people in my life I’m sorry and I love you! So now I will try my best to explain why we hit out at the ones we love the most. I am not sure how to explain this because truth is I don’t really know why we do it all I can say is it’s not really me it’s not really us when you have a shock like being diagnosed with MS you feel so alone. It turns your life upside down and everything you have dreamt about doing or having goes it’s gone in seconds. I know personally I just felt like I didn’t deserve to have a life no more because what do I did I have to live for? To spend my life in a wheelchair? To not being able to look after myself? To rely on someone else to dress me and feed me etc? so I had to push everyone away so when/if I decided to end my journey on this planet I had no ties to anyone and no one would care! It is all apart of the grieving process! You get denial – no one cares why should they they are normal they haven’t got to worry which turns to anger-why don’t you care why can’t you do something? Which goes to the next stage bargaining- why won’t you take this away from me? If you truly love me you would! Then it turns to the depression-by this point we have just given up because none of the other stages have made you realise how we are feeling it sounds horrible to say but it truly feels like you don’t care because you did nothing not that you could have as much as you may have wanted/want too but we don’t see that side of things because it’s not me it’s not who we really are we feel like we have failed in life and let everyone down I can imagine if you are watching someone go through all this is hard for you as well if you are supporting someone going through an MS diagnosis or anything else for that matter my message to you is please hold on tight just ignore it all because we truly love you and you are our rocks! And we will soon be hitting the last stage acceptance when we finally realise how much you love us and care! When we can finally say I’m sorry I love you! We can finally see how strong you have been and how much you have actually helped us get this far and say thank you! And start putting our relationships back together and building for the future! That is the only way I can explain it to be honest with you

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