Entering parenthood

Hello everyone! As always I hope everyone is well! Tonight I want to talk about my mental health side off MS again and entering Parenthood with MS. Let’s start at the beginning it’s June 2018 and I’m having a joke with my fiancée and tell her to pick up a pregnancy test while she was out not really thinking she was pregnant but she thought I was being serious and picked one up the next morning she does the test while I am laughing in my head thinking “why is she doing it she’s not pregnant” she comes in to me and shows me the test I look and it’s positive i was so shocked I had to look twice after about 20 seconds it sunk in my fiancée was pregnant I wanted to cry my face couldn’t smile any wider I was so happy we both were and we couldn’t keep it to ourselves so we told our families straight away. As the pregnancy went on and we started to plan for our babies arrival the happier and more excited I got. It gets to December 2018 and he’s born our beautiful baby boy is here. The second his head came out his eyes were open and he was looking at me in that second I fell in love with him watching him be born is an experience I can not describe it was the best experience in my life. So we have this beautiful baby boy that I can help but smile at every time I see him he’s perfect but then my mental health issues kick in. I have the most perfect baby boy and I love him so much but I just don’t feel good enough for him because of my MS I can’t run around after him I can’t take him to the park when he gets older to play football I start to worry about him getting bullied in school because his dad is in a wheelchair I have so many off these thought in my head and it gets to February/March 2019 and These thought are starting to get to much I don’t deserve this baby and my little boy deserves a real Dad one that can do everything with him. So one night my little boy is in bed in the room next door and I started to take an overdose it wasn’t until someone got up that I realised what I was doing and stopped myself. If they didn’t get up I don’t know if I would have stopped or not but let me tell you that now I am glad they did because I have now realised that non off that stuff in my head matters. I realise now that the most important thing I can give my son is love and I can give that even if I am disabled! And watching this little baby growing into a little boy is so so amazing! So what’s my message to anyone entering parenthood with MS or any disability ? My message is enjoy your children don’t worry about if you can run around with them or whatever because all children need from parents is love and that can be given no matter off your disability status!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s